to fight for growth

“We cannot afford not to fight for growth and understanding, 

even when it is painful, as it is bound to be.” ~ May Sarton

And who is it I battle but my ego-self. The part of me seeking to keep the status quo, to protect my equanimity by denying and deflecting pain. The part of me that values safety and equates “happiness” with lack of pain.

This self has served an important purpose in helping me cope with the vagaries of the world. Yet I seek more now. I seek to experience life as it is and to respond to it as I am. I seek to know and to live from my Self.

You see, I trust so much deeper now. I know that behind the changing-ness of life is an abiding Presence, a Presence of Love. And that Love will support and sustain me, nurture and comfort me, strengthen and heal me through all that life will bring.

Yes it may will be painful at times, but I have experienced no greater joy than meeting life as it is with all of me, living, as best I am able, the connectedness of our shared humanity. It is through this openness to life and Presence and you that I am coming to understand my Self as I am. To live any other way is to deny who I am and who I am becoming - and that I cannot afford.

in service to the Holy One

“You shall worship the Sovereign your God, and God only shall you serve.”

~ Matthew 4:10

… and yet how often do I put things and goals and desires over the wishes of God? How often and in how many ways do I neglect the things of love and healing for things of selfish want and control? It is so easy to fall asleep to the choices I am making and their impact on my living and on the lives of others. So easy to simply take what is before me without questioning the cost. 

The path that Jesus asks me to follow asks me to see the difference between wants and needs, asks me to experience all of life as holy, asks me understand the connectedness of the choices before me with the lives of others - to see, to experience, to understand and then to choose. And in my good moments I do all these. Yet, the Beauty is, even when I do not, even when my choices are all about me, all about this immediate moment, even then God will use my choices to bring about healing. The wonder of that causes my heart to fill with awe.

And so I seek to serve God only, knowing all the while that the very act of this intention places the entirety of my life, my whole being in service to the Holy. And that brings peace and gives my heart joy.

a thousand times, Yes

“No one knows what lies ahead, when we say yes to God.”

~ Jan L. Richardson

… like seminary at age 40 … like moving to a place you’ve never seen and loving it. Oh my, yes.

The world sees the outward changes - like moving, new jobs - but it’s the internal transformations, even the small ones, that are most significant. It’s coming to see the world differently, see yourself differently, see God differently that can create the most upheaval, and the most hope, and the most joy. 

To experience the steadfastness of this journey with the Holy One is to know deep peace.

To know “if I had to do it all over again, I’d say Yes a thousand times more” is a treasure beyond comprehension.

It is the unknown with God that brings anticipation to my living. For I know that whatever lies ahead will be more than I can imagine. The moments will be fuller and freer for they will be encompassed within the Divine Yes. 

In saying yes to God, I hope for a life that is my own. One which strongly binds me to you and to this world, with no false chains or masks. One which arises from the voice of Wisdom within, to guide the rhythm of my days. One which allows me to both soar free and fight fiercely, loving you as I love myself. One which walks softly upon this earth, bringing healing and peace and love.

Yes, a thousand times Yes.

Endings and Beginnings

“One of the marvelous facts of life is that every ending carries within itself the potential for a new beginning.”    ~ Mary Borhek

I sit here for moments feeling blank and unmoving. “Every ending carries within itself a new beginning”… and yet all I can think of is the ending of death, a good friend's recent  death to be specific. Where is the new beginning in that? Oh, I see the possibilities, but what I know is that the possibilities pale in comparison to the reality we desired - to have her with us in this life for many more years. To say she is “better off” is little consolation in the desolation of this loss. 

And yet, I recognize she is with me still, in ways different than before. More intimate, more often. Her presence, and gentleness and sweetness and insight and love and concern, her view of the world and commitment to relationships, … all this and more seeps through the moments of my days in ways they didn’t when she was breathing. And so she is helping shape and form me in ways neither of us would have imagined.

It is marvelous and wonderful. And if I cannot have her breathing with us still, then I am thankful for her living presence in my life. I am thankful she journeys with me still. I am thankful that every ending carries within itself the potential for a new beginning.

it is through prayer

“It is through prayer… that one will be given the most powerful light 

to see God and self.”     ~ Angela of Foligno

… for it is through the deep silence of prayer that I am best able to see God and not some illusion of my own making.
… for it is through prayer that I am able to be my most vulnerable before God, and thereby see my Self.

… for it is through prayer that I give up the illusion of control and abandon myself into the Light that enlightens all things.

… for it is through prayer that I become most receptive to the voice of the Holy speaking in the silence of my soul.

… for it is through prayer that the tools of self-understanding become transforming forces within my life.

… for it is through prayer that I can give up the illusion of my desires and see you as light and love.

… for it is through prayer that I can experience our connectedness and know you and I are truly one.

Prayer returns me to my Self, to who I already am and to who I am becoming.

Prayer reminds me of what I truly long for and my role it bringing it about.

Yes, it is through prayer that I am given the most powerful light to see God and to see my Self. What a beautiful invitation.

Take Nothing for Granted

“Mindfulness teaches us to be fully aware of each experience, letting nothing remain unnoticed, taking nothing for granted.”      ~ Holly Whitcomb

To take nothing for granted also means to fully experience the sorrow and the pain along with the joy. To sit with and to be with what is, and to allow the reality of this moment to teach me. For there is much to learn of life and love from the pain of sorrow as from the joy. 

And yet, it is so hard to sit with pain in any form. I have been so conditioned (perhaps you have, too) to ignore it or deny it or race through it, as if it will hurt less, as if to deny it makes it untrue. Our society can be a pleasure-seeking people; the “pursuit of happiness” is a right we are owed, is it not? Yet I know a life that denies sorrow is a life not fully lived. A life that ignores pain does not form the deepest connections with others, nor with God, on the journey. 

And so I am learning to live with awareness of sorrow and pain, with anger and fear, with hate and indifference. To sit with it, breathing deeply into it, asking what it has to teach me, knowing I am not alone for the Holy One is with me, and you are, too. 

Thank you for the many ways we journey together. I am blessed by your presence.

"After all, it can take a lifetime to really (know) ... what all these things are saying to us about life, about our own growth, about the spirit in the clay of us. But once mindfulness comes, life changes entirely."  ~ Joan Chittister

We Are Spirit

“Spirituality is expressed in everything we do.”

~ Anne E. Carr

All is one. There is no division between “sacred” and “secular”, these divisions exist only in my mind and play themselves out in my living.

When I live awake, when I live aware then all of my actions are intentionally connected to Spirit, the energy or river that connects all of life. And they, hopefully, affect the cosmic unity for healing. Yet whether or not I am awake, whether or not I am living aware, my actions are always connected to the river that connects us all, my actions always affect the cosmic unity - the question is whether they bring healing or harm. And even neutral energy brings harm in the sense that my life and my choices have the potential for healing, a potential I am not always choosing.

Perhaps the quote is saying: Spirituality is all we are. Every action, every thought, our whole way of being, our whole selves is spirituality. It is not something I ‘put on’ at one point and ‘leave off’ (through lack of attention) at others. It is not something I “express”. It simply is who I am. I am Spirit experienced in material/corporeal form. And so are you. … How differently I would interact with you if this knowledge was at the forefront of our interaction, at the forefront of my living - if it was such a deep knowing that I lived and moved from that view. How differently.

Honor and respect, compassion and gentleness, love and hopefulness, encouragement and strength. These are the lens through which I view and move and interact and respond, for we are each Spirit in material form. We are on a journey together to be unconditional love for one another.

** Through this Lenten season, I am journaling daily from a collection of quotes. It is one attempt to get back to regular writing. So... if you see more posts following this one, then it is successful ... at least for now. ;)