reaping what others have sown

I am really enjoying the seasons here - yes, even the winter with its almost 60 inches of snow... which will come again soon enough, I'm sure.

Throughout the spring and even into early summer, I have enjoyed spending time on the back deck of the house we're renting. So restful enjoying the birds feeding only a few feet away, enjoying the breeze and cool temps. If I sit quietly enough, the chipmunks, squirrels, and rabbits will come close to feed on what the birds spill out of the feeder. Fabulous.

It has been fun watching the growth in the plant beds. Bulbs sprouting, shrubs and trees blooming - all of which were planted and tended by people long before we came.  It's been exciting to see what will appear next, not knowing what will grow and bloom - reaping the sowing that others have done. Isn't that the way of life - always reaping what others have, in some fashion, sown... but we like to think we've done it. Always in control, always on our own - dependent on no one, society says, is proof of your worth... What an illusion. We are inter-dependent, whether we see it or not, whether we know it or not... Ah, but how much more exciting that makes living.

Blogging again...

It's been more than an year since I've written a post for this blog. In that time I have transitioned from ministry with a congregation in Florida to a congregation in Iowa. (Yes, Iowa!)

To be frank, my blogging ended when the primary impetus of my spiritual growth and struggles came through the myriad parts of the process of discerning God's call to be in ministry in a new place. I found it impossible to set all that aside in my writing for this space - to honor what was happening with me, internally and externally, while at the same time being faithful/honest in my public writing knowing that members of my congregation read my posts. ... So I stopped writing publicly.

We, my husband and I, have been in Iowa for 10 months now - and love it, which I will share more about later. We are relatively settled in. And I'm feeling the call to write again in this space. Thank you, to those of you who have politely reminded me that "it's been a while" since I've written. :)

I look forward to continuing the journey with you, and pray that my writing will be an encouragement to you, just as your companionship, reading and comments are to me.

Many blessings.

Feeding my soul

So you may think I’m a little nuts – if so, you won’t be the first! – but I truly enjoy spending time with teenagers, even with pre-teens. We have been seeking a way to offer our annual Pastor’s Class (baptism/membership class) in a format that works for the life-situations of our families and youth. This year I’m trying a lock-in with a follow-up class later in the week. Our lock-in was this weekend – so my husband (dear, dear man) and I spent Friday night and part of today with some of our middle school youth… I had a good time – and to all reports, the kids did, too. We talked about God and faith and life, and we played and ate and watched a movie. Yes, I’m a bit tired – staying up most of the night will do that to you! – but I’m reved, too. I am blessed to be used to create space for kids to talk about their experiences of God, to be vulnerable and share portions of their story, to be together and be silly and goofy and try new things, and simply to be allowed to journey with them for as long as we are together.

God is good – and this weekend my soul has been fed.

What feeds your soul?

Today’s blessing...

I woke this morning feeling blessed because... What a blessing our interim senior pastor is. Not only is it a blessing to have someone in general to share leadership with – but it has been great to have this particular someone to journey with. He is kind and generous of heart and of spirit – and he is a fabulous model for providing pastoral care in all situations. It’s great, also, to learn the things he sees that we no longer see about our church. Enthusiasm, motivation, heart, and an overwhelming love for God and for us – what more could you ask for! I am blessed to work with him.

Who determines your value?

On a recent post over at Honor Yourself , she posted this quote: “Here's one of the greatest truths in life: if you don't place a value on yourself, somebody else will.” How true ... and the sad thing is that when we let someone else place a value on our life, we just go along and agree with whatever they decree. Unfortunately, the voices in our life who often shout the loudest tend to be the voices that tell us how little we’re worth – sometimes the words are obvious (idiot, stupid, you never do it right); sometimes the words are subtle (why do you dress like that, don’t you want to be like her) ... Sometimes the world’s voices are so loud, we forget they aren’t the voice we are supposed to listen to.

God’s voice tells us we are precious and unique. God’s voice tells us we are each special and wonderful and loved. Yes, that’s right, each of us. God’s voice reminds us it isn’t a competition, but that we are all loved and loved fully in ways beyond our complete comprehension. God's voice reminds us we were each created to be the same yet different; and our task is to find the ways in which we are alike and the ways in which we are unique, and to try not to confuse the two... Can you hear that voice?

I gave my niece a wall plaque a few years ago that said, “In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.” [read that again: In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.] She still has it hanging on her wall. I hope she listens to it and truly takes it to heart. Be yourself. It is a lesson that I have struggled with – being myself despite what the world and what people I love ask me to be (or expect or wish or...); being myself despite knowing that if I was willing to act like others or think like others or compromise in certain ways, then I might have more friends or have more respect from some or be looked at as successful and accomplished. ... I have learned over the years that it is much more important to me to be authentic, to be myself. You see, when I try to be someone else – to be something I’m not just to please or appease you – then my relationship with God suffers, as well as my relationship with you. The more authentic I am able to be, the closer to God I feel. The more authentic I am able to be, the closer to you I am able to become.

There is an old Hasidic story that tells of a great Jewish teacher, Zusia, who one day shared with his followers that he had finally come to understand the one question that would be asked of him after his death. He said, “I won’t be asked why I wasn’t a better Moses leading my people out of bondage. And I won’t be asked why I wasn’t a better Joshua leading my people into the Promised Land. No – there is only one question that I will be asked. They will say, 'Zusia, there was only one thing that no power of heaven or earth could have prevented you from becoming. … Zusia, why weren't you Zusia?'"

Blessings and peace.

Stop the guilt

I was catching up on my blog reading – I highly recommend a “reader” like Google Reader, by the way. A reader allows you to subscribe to all your favorite blogs in one place – and you get updates from each to read at your leisure instead of having to find and check each blog individually. Way cool. … Okay, enough tech talk. So I was catching up on my blog reading and found this great post over at Feedin Mama. Feedin Mama is a wonderful blog about life and elders and the reality of ageing and ageing with dignity. (disclosure: she's also a good friend of mine!) Anyway, she does a great job in this post reminding us that, no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we need and must care for ourselves. How often in your daily living do you do all that needs to be done to take care of others – and give yourself whatever time or energy is left over afterwards, if you give yourself anything at all? I know I can easily slide into this place. I think many of us, especially women (sorry guys), were raised to believe that our primary role was to take care of others and if we put ourselves first we were being selfish… But, as Feedin Mama points out, if we don’t care for ourselves first, then we will be incapable of caring for others. “slam the door on anything that resembles a guilt trip. Do not get on that train.” – good reminder. Guilt is self-induced – we have to choose to feel guilty, just like we choose what is on our “should do” list. Life is joy. So do what you can, do what you feel you must, and then move on… and celebrate all you have done, and celebrate all that you are - for you are a precious child of God, and in that is where joy finds its foundation. Blessings and peace.

Drumming at the Riverside Arts Market

If you're in the Jacksonville area this Saturday, or any upcoming Saturday!, then come out to the Riverside Arts Market. It's a fabulous festival of art and entertainment and food and just plain fun.

Two weekends ago, our Riverside Children's Arts Center was at the Market hosting the Children's Creativity Corner booth. Ken Anoff, who teaches a hand-drumming class for us on Wednesday evenings, spent the day helping children (and some adventurous adults) engage their energy and creativity and channel it together. If you've never been part of a drum circle, then I encourage you to find one in your local area (Jacksonville has a drum circle that meets most Friday evenings at Riverside Park in Five Points near the duck pond). The unity of energy and spirit that flow within the circle, and outward to the wider community, is something that has to be experienced to be understood. There is something so elemental about drumming that even in a brief time together, groups of children, from toddlers to teens, created unity within the rhythm. It was wonderful to hear, and fabulous to be part of.

We'll be back at the Children's Creativity Corner booth on May 30 with a new artist-in-residence. Come spend the day as we open ourselves to the creativity that lies within each of us!

Blessings and peace.