“When Akiba was on his deathbed, he bemoaned to his rabbi that he felt he was a failure. His rabbi moved closer and asked why, and Akiba confessed that he had not lived a life like Moses. The poor man began to cry, admitting that he feared God’s judgment. At this, his rabbi leaned into his ear and whispered gently, ‘God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses. God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba.’”I read this story for the first time, in a slightly different version, several years ago. And my reflections then led me to similar thoughts as my devotional book did today: Why is it that we consistently seek to compare ourselves with others – to our own detriment? Why do we devalue our giftedness in favor of another’s gifts and strengths? Why do we find it so difficult to value and honor the gifts in ourselves – honor and cherish who we are as amazing, unique individuals, created by God, each fearfully and wonderfully made?
More recently, however, when I consider this story, I wonder why we find it so hard to accept with grace the person we are today? Why do we beat ourselves up comparing ourselves with who we “should” be, who we “ought to” be – thinking that we should be better, somehow “more” than who we are? Why is it so difficult to understand and to live out the knowledge that all that we are is enough? Who I am at this moment is understood as a daughter of God, fully loved. Created by God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139) – and so are you.
Certainly, we are not perfect. Yes, we have the opportunity to become more fully the person God created – but that is not a statement of “lack”. It is not that I have to find something to add to me to become “better” – some new skill or gift or ability. I just need to understand how to be more fully me – how to walk closely with God embracing the way in which I have been fashioned so that I can experience God’s presence and share God’s grace with all the fullness of my being. In opening myself to who I am, I will find I am able to open myself more fully to who you are – and in that place the face of God can be seen.
So how do we learn to see and to accept with grace who we are at this moment? How do we learn to see ourselves as God sees us and, perhaps, learn to see others as God sees them? For me, it begins with the intentionality of my journey – seeking to live each day purposefully aware – and time spent in prayer, and study, and in fellowship with others of faith. Through these acts I find a deepening of peace, an expansion of acceptance, and a growing desire to walk living and sharing God’s grace.
What about you? How do you find God’s grace in your journey? What is helping you become more fully you?
4 comments:
Are we enough? I recently lived this moment out with my daughter on a lying issue. She began to lie or really fabricate a story. Then it occured to me growing up this was the very essence of me. I never thought I was sufficient just as she started to. Sure enough as soon as we began to deal with that issue the lying decreased(to my knowledge anyway). Today I am sufficient and interesting enough. Not to listen to the world but to listen to that inner voice then only do I have the most beautiful peace and love and JOY. Yes I capitalized JOY because you can only have moments of JOY that are superficial unless you are connected to yourself but more importantly to a very awesome loving and guiding and nurturing God.
How hard it can be to simply be ourselves - especially through our pre-teen and teen years where we want to fit in, to be liked; and that usually means we try to look like and be like others... and when I'm not able to be you, then I begin to doubt me and to de-value my own giftedness. We constantly battle a social message that uses others as a personal yardstick for whether or not I'm "okay". And, typically, end up either belittling ourselves and not recognizing our own worth. Or we belittle others, put them down as a way of assuring myself that I'm okay - which de-vaules both of us, in the end.
How wonderful to know your connectedness to God and your createdness by God are your measure of worth and your source of JOY. It definitely gives moments of blessing and spaces of peace, and a different perspective on life and living.
I read somewhere, "Do not compare yourselves to others, as there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself." I used to like that, and tried to live it, but I no longer believe that. Our humanity is equal, under God. The inner voice I hear, after centering prayer for example, is the most true voice I have heard speak to me. I think I have always felt pretty darn good about myself, but sometimes it was because of what I had "accomplished". Now I know it's because I'm God's child.
This is one I keep running up against with so much angst on my part. And God keeps coming back with the same answer, "Do the tasks for TODAY and that is sufficient. Stop concerning yourself with what happened yesterday. Stop living in fear and anxiety about tomorrow. Stop feeling like you don't measure up to other people or your unrealistic expectations of yourself. Deal with today and trust Me for the rest." Why is it so hard for that to sink in, I wonder.
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