To be held...

I sat on the upper porch last night crocheting and watching the clouds roll in. Within the space of an hour we could only see the closest crest – the rest were covered completely in clouds. It was lovely. I would have stayed longer but my hands were getting cold. The good thing about crocheting a shawl is that as you work on it it serves as a good lap warmer – but not for the hands! A good friend made me a pair of fingerless gloves – they would have been perfect, but I left them at home… It’s clear and beautiful here this morning – a reminder that day always follows night if we are patient enough to wait for it.

I phoned my husband last night to let him know I missed him – 36 hours apart and I was ready to be home… can’t though, the Board meetings I came for aren’t done until tomorrow. It’s nice to know that 16 years married and we still miss one another when we’re apart.

I woke up this morning with the song “Held” by Natalie Grant running in my head. “This is what it means/ to be held and to know/ that the promise was/ when everything fell/ we’d be held.” The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held. God’s promises weren’t that we’d have life free from pain and filled with material wealth. Unfortunately, I know plenty of preachers who preach that and Christians who believe that to be true. After all, they say, Jesus told us he came that we might have life in abundance. God’s promise is that no matter what we are going through – whether we name it good or bad, joy-filled or heart-wrenching – God will be there with us… we’d be held. You know, sometimes life just plan stinks – young mothers and fathers get cancer, children get physically and sexually abused… - and we question the fairness of it all (at least I sometimes do, don’t you?). Why, God? Why don’t you do something, it’s just not fair? I know that much of the hurtful things come from us – from what we choose to do, how we choose to treat one another, what we have done to this world we live in – but still, why... I understand the whole free will thing, but isn’t there a better way, one that means innocent children and men and women don’t get hurt? … It reminds me of an essay by Frederica Mathewes-Green about this very point. She talks about the desire to end suffering – our desire to live in a world where suffering doesn’t exist and what does that really mean. It’s a thought provoking read.

In the end, I willingly admit that despite my questioning of this one, I am not capable of creating a better world. And I know that I don’t see it all, just a few of the threads on one portion of the tapestry called life – so I live with the questions, and I continue to offer hope and love, and I rely on the promise. It is enough for me to know that I am held by the One who created us all. The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held.

Blessings and peace.

Gone so long...

Much has happened since I've last written - 5 months have passed, some parts quickly and others slowly (such is the way of life), but overall it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I am going to attempt to pick up blogging again - I do miss it - and will eventually share some of what's happened over the past few months. Experiences that have shaped me, ones that have affirmed me, ones that have connected me to others, and ones that have grounded me in God. Some of it is worth sharing, some of it is better shared in other places... and some of it, I must admit, likely is only important to me.

For now, I'm enjoying time in Black Mountain, NC at Christmount (our denomination's retreat center). I enjoy the mountains - perhaps more so than I enjoy the beach. I think this Florida girl is starved for color - even though the trees are just beginning to bud here, the area seems awash in color. So many shades of red and of green and of brown. It is a feast for my eyes - and I feel as if I am literally drinking it in. The dogwoods are just in bloom - I think they're among my favorites. The white is vivid against the brown of the bark and the green of other foliage - beautiful. And I saw pink-blossomed dogwoods. I didn't know dogwoods were anything but white. A deep almost mauve color - fabulous. Wish I could show you a picture, but I forgot my camera (shoot, pun intended).

I enjoy the pace here - unhurried. Likely it's my attitude that's different, and if I lived here I'd likely not be the same... but it's nice to feel that I have plenty of time for everything I "need" to do and all that I "want" to do as well. ... So I'm going to go sit on the porch rocker - it's only 59 degrees and the rain has stopped for now - and I'll work some more on the crochet shawl I'm making.

Blessings and peace.

Living Thanks...

Thank you, God, for blessing my life. The Scriptures tell us that all good gifts come from you – so thank you for faith and love, and grace and forgiveness. For being mindful of me and being a tangible part of my life, I give you thanks. For the abundance of love which you shower upon me, and which I see again and again in the people in my life, I give you thanks. For hardship and sorrow, I give you thanks – for even though you don’t cause them, through them I am learning compassion and understanding joy which come from you. Thank you, God, for loving me; for being mindful of me; and for drawing me to you so that I can learn to see as you see and love as you love. Amen.

I woke up this morning and (after I remembered what day of the week it was!) began to think about all the things I am thankful for in my life – my husband who not only loves me but who fully supports me in responding to God’s call to ministry; our son and extended family; friends; that my needs are met, sure I have wants (who doesn’t) but my needs have been provided for; a ministry through which I can serve God with all that I am; and... my faith.

I could list so many things I am thankful for in my life – but having faith in God is what they are all founded on; it’s what my life is founded on. There was a time in my life, many years actually, when this wasn’t true. So, having lived without faith or belief makes me more aware of it now.

But I am thankful for my faith every day, not just today. It’s about living thankfully. It’s about living daily with an attitude, a perspective of gratitude for all that is (not just for what you “have”). It’s different from just being optimistic, although I am optimistic about life because I know Who is in control and that through God all things will work together for good – even if we can’t see it. For me, it’s about being aware, through faith, of the blessedness of all of life and of the One who blesses me. I am God’s beloved, and for that I give thanks always.

Do you know that you are God’s beloved? You are – and for that I give thanks!

I pray your day is filled with the joy of knowing you are beloved of God.

Gotta go bake bread... :)

More like me than I realized...

Some of the things I post here I write just for this blog; some of them grow out of my private journaling and I find that I want to share them. Occassionally, I will share something I've shared in our church newsletter - mostly because I'd like to offer it up for discussion, feedback, etc. That is the case with this post - from journaling to newsletter to you...

I have been pondering lately the frustrations in my life. Perhaps for you it’s the same – the things that you seem able to easily overlook in “normal” circumstances become annoyances or frustrations when the stress in your life is higher? I realized as I was dwelling on someone’s tendency toward being judgmental, how annoying I found that, etc – I realized that I was being judgmental about their judgmental-ness (ouch!). I believe it is true that the things that annoy, bother, frustrate us in others are most likely the things about our own self that need to be looked at.

I know that at times I make snap-judgments. It is too easy to forget to look to see what I really “know” and what I am simply assuming when I am emotionally tied to the issue or situation or person. Most of the time, I think, I do well taking the objective look at what is happening; attempting to make allowances and to see other possible sides of the issue, or see the situation from another person’s perspective (at least I hope I do!). Which, I guess, makes the times I don’t, the times I find myself judgmental all the more difficult to ignore.

So how do we learn to stop judging? I think it’s about having a greater desire to listen and understand than to be heard or to be “right”. When I care more about understanding, then I allow space for dialog and room for others to be “right” too. Implicit in seeking to understand is the fact that I must believe that I do not have all the knowledge and that I am not in a position to judge. And, truly, none of us ever has all the knowledge. And, truly, none of us is ever in a position to judge – that is up to God. And, believe me, I’d rather be judged by God than by me. God is gracious and merciful and forgiving – always. God sees the essence of the person I am – not the outer layers or the works I do, but the beloved child he created – and then “judges” me based on that.

How I wish I could do that, always, when I look at, interact with, am in relationship with others. Marianne Williamson calls it “seeing another’s innocence”. When we seek to blame, we look for the guilt of others – perhaps at some level seeking to justify ourselves and to gain power. But when we seek to love and to understand, then we see the innocence of others. ... God help me desire to understand more than I desire to be “right.”

What do you do to stop yourself from judging or blaming where God calls us to understand?

Authority or Power?

I have been thinking lately about “power” and “authority” as I reflect on how I and others lead. Often we use the two words interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing. But I don’t think they do. For me, one difference is that power is something we take or assume and authority is something that is given to us. A leader who takes control of issues, situations, people where he/she really doesn’t belong is taking power not authority. This is true regardless of the motive or intentions behind their actions. Even if someone with the responsibility to do so gives me the “right” to lead, I still haven’t been given authority. Gandhi once said, “The world will not know peace until the power of love is stronger than the love of power.”

Power comes from a system of hierarchy. But authority comes out of relationship. As a leader or pastor I can exert power over you or over a situation, but only God and only you can grant me the authority necessary to work with you and through you to affect change, to help bring healing and redemption. And just because you have granted me authority in one area of your life, doesn’t mean that I have authority in other areas too. God gives me the authority to speak with a pastor’s voice, but you must give me the authority to speak as your pastor.

The authority that is needed to bring healing at the deepest levels is not something that is given quickly for most of us. Instead, it is a more gradual process of coming to know and understand a person, to see glimpses of their essence – that their walk and talk align – and experiencing that they see who I am and want what’s best for me not some false/assumed image of me… and only then do I release more of my life, my deeper self to them. Then I become willing to reveal other parts of myself and to respond to their guiding.

How do you see the difference between “power” and “authority”?

Time for unity

The elections are over. After years of campaigning, it’s done. Victory, this time, seems clear. A new president has been chosen. Your candidate may have won or your candidate may have lost. Today you may be rejoicing or today you may be mourning. I encourage you to take the time to rejoice or to mourn. … And then let's all take a breath, straighten our shoulders and reach out to one another – because it’s time now for unity.

As a nation we too often and too easily fall into opposing sides; “us” and “them” rhetoric. For the sake of not just our nation or our children, but also for the sake of our world it’s time to stop. It’s time to reach out to one another. It’s time to listen to each other, really listen – not just try to make our point, but seek to understand the other person’s view. Together we can do amazing and wonderful things. Together we can solve the greatest challenges facing us.

It will take all of us together to bring healing to our land, to God’s world. It is what God continues to call us to do. None of us holds the Truth, but all of us together when our hearts are connected to God hold a portion of God’s truth. And when we reach out to one another, seek to understand each other, do our best to work together toward peace and prosperity for all – we share our truth with each other. And that is when we find healing. And that is when we find we are at our strongest.

The energy that you put into impassioned conversations – put that same energy into working for unity. Not my way, not your way – but our way will become the way to healing and growth for our nation and, ultimately, for our world. So I encourage you to reach out, take someone’s hand – then spend time listening to them. Let's move forward - together.

Finding grace within…

For several weeks now I have been seeking grace for a situation I have found myself involved in – seeking to find acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance of what is; and forgiveness where none has been asked for. I have been struggling to “practice what I preach” – in the most literal sense. Tonight, restless and needing to settle down for sleep I picked up the book “The Gift of Change,” by Marianne Williamson, that I have been reading (slowly) for the past 5 months (okay, very slowly). For me, this book has held many nuggets of insight – some I hadn’t thought of or not in that same way, and others being simply reminders of what I already know. I read until I come across something that gives me pause, and then I do pause for reflection (which is why I still have five chapters left).

Tonight these words caught me: “...we come to understand that humanity is not perfect...we all do the best we know how with the skills we have at the time.” ... ... And there I found the grace I was seeking.

Yes. We do the best we can with the skills we have – and that is true in this case, too. And knowing that, and accepting that it is true frees me from all the angst, the conflicting emotions, the internal drama. And it frees within me the grace which flows from God – the grace that brings acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

Are you able to know, with a deep level of knowing, that humanity is not perfect, and we all try to do the best we know how with the skills we have? When we can see situations and others in this way, it frees us from seeing guilt to seeing innocence. Sure there are exceptions, but for the most part people don’t intend to hurt us. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold others accountable for their actions when necessary. And yes, we should be sure to put boundaries in place if there is a true need to protect ourselves in the future. But when we are more concerned with blaming than forgiving, we close the door on grace and love.

Do you think this is how God sees each of us? Innocent because we are simply trying to do the best we know how with the skills we have at this time?

Can you, too, find God’s grace within?