...more about seeking intentional awareness of living in God's presence... A few years ago I heard someone say "all our time belongs to God" - no matter what we are doing, we are with God and, hopefully, are aware that we are spending time with God. In thinking about that I realized how time-conscious I had become. In almost any situation, I could catch myself checking the time - so I'd know when it was time for the "next thing." Instead of paying attention to what I was doing, or who I was with, I would be preparing (mentally at least) for other things that were coming up. It was, and still is, humbling. To break the pattern - or at least to make me more aware of when I am doing it - I sought a ritual or habit that I could do that would help... So I began wearing my watch on my other wrist - knowing that I would find it bothersome and it would serve to remind me throughout the day...
"They" say it takes 30 days to make a new habit part of your life. I still have not adjusted to this one - even after several years! I still have to consciously think about putting it on - or it ends up back on my left wrist. And I never have adjusted to the feeling of having it on the other wrist. Perhaps it's a sign of my stubbornness? ;-)
But I did come to realize how time-conscious our culture is. Have you ever noticed the number of clocks there are? Rarely am I someplace that I don't see a clock - and if that happens, I always have my cell phone and my pda! So after several months, I took my watch off completely. I do have to dig one out when I am helping lead events where I have to begin/end on time throughout the day (like camp, retreats, etc). Instead of wearing a watch, I now wear a bracelet, mostly because I found after wearing a watch for years it was uncomfortable to not wear one. I wear them on the "wrong" wrist, and they are still bothersome to me - a reminder throughout the day of my connection with God and with all of humanity. ...another way I seek to remember and experience my connection to the Holy.
3 comments:
There was a time in my life that I owned several watches (silver, gold, leather, etc. to coordinate with whatever other jewelry I was wearing) and felt panicked when I did not know the time. When my first child was born, I stopped wearing a watch and started ignoring clocks because I did not want to lock her into a schedule; I wanted her to learn to listen to her body -- to eat when she was hungry, sleep when tired, etc. and babies can't tell time! I did this so my children would develop better habits than I have when it comes to eating and sleeping.
This reflection has made me aware of one habit I have always had that now I realize is perhaps is good....
I have always admonished myself for never scheduling daily time for prayer or devotion or reflection, especially after completing a study that recommends it, or reading about an author or theologian that I admire that has this habit, or even loved ones that "make time for God each day." Now I think my way is better: I have continuous conversation with God all day, every day. All of my time is God-time; I am always God-aware. Most of my prayers follow the Serenity Prayer theme; I don't pray for parking spots; I pray for the patience to keep looking for a parking spot! Most of all, I pray for help with acceptance and frustration.
I get asked occasionally how I know there is a God. I hope there is -- I sure would hate to find out that I have spent all of this time talking to myself!
I know what you mean about needing to know the time. I am retired so it shouldn't matter, but it still does. I try to take time each morning to do devotions, prayer, and journal writing. I am aware that too often I think about the time rather than letting the time embrace me. But I am so aware that I need to allow time to exercise, eat, and dress that I fail to yield control to the Spirit.
I do find that giving myself that time in the morning starts my day off right and when I'm too busy to take that morning time, my entire day seems rushed. I also have a written prayer list that helps me remember those I want to remember. However, my biggest problem with a prayer list is how do you stop praying for individuals.
Janet,
It is all too easy to compare ourselves to others - we should do this or that. But God has created us in distinct ways. Comparison is nice if it helps you try something new - but not if you beat yourself up for not being like someone else.
I believe each person goes through phases in life where her way of relating to God and her way of praying changes. What works well for me today is not what worked well for me 10 years ago, and most likely won't be what will work best for me 10 years from now. We grow, deepen and mature (hopefully!) and our relationships change. If we are truly journeying, then our relationship with God will grow, deepen, change, too.
I'm not saying seated meditation or daily devotions are 'deeper' experiences of God, just different ones. And I know some people are wired such that anything done 'seated' is virtually agony.
I think, for me at least, one part of the difficulty is that this relationship - this one out of all of them - is so important that I want to get it 'right'... and our society teaches us to look to others to see what 'right' is... and then the cycle begins.
I appreciate that you've made changes so that your children have the chance to grow differently.
Peace.
p.s. It's not the talking to myself that I'd mind so much, it's realizing that I must have been answering myself, too :)
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