making meaning

“Some people esteem one day as better than another, 

while others esteem all days alike. 

Let all be fully convinced in their own mind.” ~ Romans 14:5

Our experience of life is what we make of it. If we live our days expecting goodness in them, then that is what we will find. Even when the days are not filled with only joyous experiences, our attitude of positive expectation will lead us to see richness and beauty in even the bleakest of circumstances. In the same way, if we expect and look for the “bad”, if we fear that life is made up of negative experiences, then we risk experiencing even positive things in a negative light. 

My husband’s frequent expression lately is “it is what it is.” I think, instead, it is what we make of it. So I choose not to live each day looking for “good” and “bad” in it, for that creates a false dichotomy. No thing is all good or all bad, and to judge (yes, that is what we are doing, judging) something as “good” or “bad” effectively closes the door on looking for it to be anything other. It denies the possibility of finding something positive within the painful. 

I do not subscribe to the theology behind the saying “everything happens for a reason.” A theology that would prescribe the events of my days as if they were preordained and ordered for me whether or not I choose them. I do, however, firmly believe we can (and should) make meaning out of the experiences of life. We are called to look for the learning, the connectedness, the holy within the moments of life, and when we do so, we make meaning from them. That is a significant part of the journey we are on, touching the holy within everything we do. Integrating heart and mind and body and soul, that is how we fully live.

take my yoke upon you

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me 

for I am gentle and humble of heart 

and you will find rest for your souls.”

~ Matthew 11:29

I am struck as I ponder the meaning of the word “yoke” that the first definition in the 

M-W.com dictionary is “the frame joining the head or neck of two animals for working together.” I always pictured this yoke Jesus speaks of as something singular, it is placed on me alone or on you alone or… Yet, this image of being yoked together with Jesus, choosing to take Jesus’ yoke upon me and in doing so I am joining him there is powerful and re-orienting. How different from the image of being yoked alone and Jesus standing off to the side shouting encouragement. For isn’t that truly what Jesus calls us to, to join with him, to walk with him and to learn from him? Isn’t it the case that I am not being asked to take upon myself anything that Jesus isn’t already doing? 

And when we are yoked as one, then we stand together sharing the load and carrying the burdens together. When I am weak, you pull harder to compensate for me - and when you are weak, I pull harder to compensate for you. We are one together, and in that rest for my soul is always found.

I wonder how the tasks of my days will be different being yoked with Jesus…

finding life

“Those who find their life will lose it, 

and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

                ~ Matthew 10:39

Losing my life for Spirit’s sake, isn’t that what life is truly about? The meaning and purpose of my life is not lived for me alone. The heedless pursuit of pleasure, while exciting and intoxicating in the moment, leaves me feeling empty and alone. Alone regardless of whom I might be with. What brings deep and lasting joy, joy not just to my days but to my soul, is honoring our connectedness through living life together. When the point of the experience is not simply creating pleasure but rather experiencing life with another, I touch within it a glimpse of the Divine, and I know I am never alone. 

When the point of life is ‘you and me’ or ‘all of us’, then I find myself adjusting my wants and needs, my desires and expectations to reflect a balance between me and thee.  And living this way I find my carefully cultivated mask (the mask each of us owns) becoming transparent, and growing within me is deeper understanding of who I truly am. Through the purposeful living out of our interconnectedness I come to know my Self. Through the purposeful living out of our interconnectedness I co-create this world with you. Through the purposeful living out of our interconnectedness together we bring healing and wholeness, and in that I find Life.

rise and have no fear

“But Jesus came and touched them saying, ‘Rise and have no fear.’”

~ Matthew 17:7

Fear so often is my go-to response. Yet I realize it is not fear of whatever it is that is before me. No, it’s fear of change, fear of upsetting my peace. The status quo, while not my preferred place to be, sure is a lot more enticing at times than wading through the waters of change. And so fear of what might be (but rarely ever is) arises within me.

What would it take, I wonder, to rise and have no fear? What would it take to rid myself of this “oh I couldn’t” reaction? 

An understanding of what is at stake, I think. That is, truly knowing that rising and stepping forward without fear will lead be back to my greatest passion, will lead me forward to my deepest Self, will keep me standing in my highest truth. And in that place I truly have no fear for I feel the touch of the Holy guiding me, sustaining me, enabling me to arise in the strength of the promise of Life and Light, Hope and Peace.

So I will seek to trust, to live in God’s steadfast goodness. I will seek to trust, to live from my highest truth. And I will learn to pause, and breathe, then arise and say Yes to what is before me for it is the only way to embrace the possibilities of life. … Yes.

things above

“Set your minds on things that are above, 

not on things that are on earth.”

~ Colossians 3:2

Things above … like bringing healing and not harm, making amends and reconciliation, supporting and encouraging and nurturing … like recognizing the connectedness and the autonomy of others and holding that in tension for the growth of their desires not for my own … like giving and seeking forgiveness and then building trust … like recognizing my own humanity and giving myself grace when I make mistakes - learning from them, I hope, but grace always … 

Our minds are so much more often engaged than our hearts in this journey though life. And when we view life and self and others through our hearts, we see the world and each other so differently. So if I cannot live at all times in my heart-seeing, then I seek to keep my mind on things above for that will help my mind to touch what my heart always knows … that you and I are one as we walk this journey of life, that life is about healing and growth and connectedness, that when you hurt I also hurt and when you are happy I too experience joy.

freedom to be

“When the Spirit of Truth comes, we shall experience freedom, 

set free from all that has closed us in.” ~ Mercy Oduyoye

I find that it’s not physical freedom that I desire, that I cherish. It’s freedom to be who I am. Freedom to speak my truth, to live my truth, to be my truth. This is the deepest desire of my heart, to be authentically me.

Yet, all too often I find that what closes me in is more of my own making than of other’s. What closes me in is, in part, my own fear over perceived expectations and responses. 

We are often taught in this life to place a higher value on the responses of others than on ourselves. We are taught to question how others will react to what we do, rather than question whether what I am doing is true to my deepest self. And when I fall victim to this teaching, I live from the false prison of trying to meet assumed or real expectations which have nothing to do with my true self. I find myself agreeing to things I don’t really agree with, I find myself doing things I don’t want to do, rather than living my deepest desires, my deepest truth. 

And it’s not that my desires, my actions are ones which would bring harm if I lived them out. It’s rather that I fall victim to pleasing you rather than pleasing me, I give higher value to being the person you think I am than to being the person I know I am. Yet, when I remember, I know that what would please you most is for me to be myself, for me to live my truth - and that is what I desire most for you as well.

When I walk in truth there is a solid, deep rightness to my living. One which brings joy and equanimity and compassion, as if the strings of my soul are vibrating in harmony with the Holy One and with all that is. Perhaps that is what freedom feels like …

to fight for growth

“We cannot afford not to fight for growth and understanding, 

even when it is painful, as it is bound to be.” ~ May Sarton

And who is it I battle but my ego-self. The part of me seeking to keep the status quo, to protect my equanimity by denying and deflecting pain. The part of me that values safety and equates “happiness” with lack of pain.

This self has served an important purpose in helping me cope with the vagaries of the world. Yet I seek more now. I seek to experience life as it is and to respond to it as I am. I seek to know and to live from my Self.

You see, I trust so much deeper now. I know that behind the changing-ness of life is an abiding Presence, a Presence of Love. And that Love will support and sustain me, nurture and comfort me, strengthen and heal me through all that life will bring.

Yes it may will be painful at times, but I have experienced no greater joy than meeting life as it is with all of me, living, as best I am able, the connectedness of our shared humanity. It is through this openness to life and Presence and you that I am coming to understand my Self as I am. To live any other way is to deny who I am and who I am becoming - and that I cannot afford.

in service to the Holy One

“You shall worship the Sovereign your God, and God only shall you serve.”

~ Matthew 4:10

… and yet how often do I put things and goals and desires over the wishes of God? How often and in how many ways do I neglect the things of love and healing for things of selfish want and control? It is so easy to fall asleep to the choices I am making and their impact on my living and on the lives of others. So easy to simply take what is before me without questioning the cost. 

The path that Jesus asks me to follow asks me to see the difference between wants and needs, asks me to experience all of life as holy, asks me understand the connectedness of the choices before me with the lives of others - to see, to experience, to understand and then to choose. And in my good moments I do all these. Yet, the Beauty is, even when I do not, even when my choices are all about me, all about this immediate moment, even then God will use my choices to bring about healing. The wonder of that causes my heart to fill with awe.

And so I seek to serve God only, knowing all the while that the very act of this intention places the entirety of my life, my whole being in service to the Holy. And that brings peace and gives my heart joy.

a thousand times, Yes

“No one knows what lies ahead, when we say yes to God.”

~ Jan L. Richardson

… like seminary at age 40 … like moving to a place you’ve never seen and loving it. Oh my, yes.

The world sees the outward changes - like moving, new jobs - but it’s the internal transformations, even the small ones, that are most significant. It’s coming to see the world differently, see yourself differently, see God differently that can create the most upheaval, and the most hope, and the most joy. 

To experience the steadfastness of this journey with the Holy One is to know deep peace.

To know “if I had to do it all over again, I’d say Yes a thousand times more” is a treasure beyond comprehension.

It is the unknown with God that brings anticipation to my living. For I know that whatever lies ahead will be more than I can imagine. The moments will be fuller and freer for they will be encompassed within the Divine Yes. 

In saying yes to God, I hope for a life that is my own. One which strongly binds me to you and to this world, with no false chains or masks. One which arises from the voice of Wisdom within, to guide the rhythm of my days. One which allows me to both soar free and fight fiercely, loving you as I love myself. One which walks softly upon this earth, bringing healing and peace and love.

Yes, a thousand times Yes.