Some of the things I post here I write just for this blog; some of them grow out of my private journaling and I find that I want to share them. Occassionally, I will share something I've shared in our church newsletter - mostly because I'd like to offer it up for discussion, feedback, etc. That is the case with this post - from journaling to newsletter to you...
I have been pondering lately the frustrations in my life. Perhaps for you it’s the same – the things that you seem able to easily overlook in “normal” circumstances become annoyances or frustrations when the stress in your life is higher? I realized as I was dwelling on someone’s tendency toward being judgmental, how annoying I found that, etc – I realized that I was being judgmental about their judgmental-ness (ouch!). I believe it is true that the things that annoy, bother, frustrate us in others are most likely the things about our own self that need to be looked at.
I know that at times I make snap-judgments. It is too easy to forget to look to see what I really “know” and what I am simply assuming when I am emotionally tied to the issue or situation or person. Most of the time, I think, I do well taking the objective look at what is happening; attempting to make allowances and to see other possible sides of the issue, or see the situation from another person’s perspective (at least I hope I do!). Which, I guess, makes the times I don’t, the times I find myself judgmental all the more difficult to ignore.
So how do we learn to stop judging? I think it’s about having a greater desire to listen and understand than to be heard or to be “right”. When I care more about understanding, then I allow space for dialog and room for others to be “right” too. Implicit in seeking to understand is the fact that I must believe that I do not have all the knowledge and that I am not in a position to judge. And, truly, none of us ever has all the knowledge. And, truly, none of us is ever in a position to judge – that is up to God. And, believe me, I’d rather be judged by God than by me. God is gracious and merciful and forgiving – always. God sees the essence of the person I am – not the outer layers or the works I do, but the beloved child he created – and then “judges” me based on that.
How I wish I could do that, always, when I look at, interact with, am in relationship with others. Marianne Williamson calls it “seeing another’s innocence”. When we seek to blame, we look for the guilt of others – perhaps at some level seeking to justify ourselves and to gain power. But when we seek to love and to understand, then we see the innocence of others. ... God help me desire to understand more than I desire to be “right.”
What do you do to stop yourself from judging or blaming where God calls us to understand?
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