Feeding my soul

So you may think I’m a little nuts – if so, you won’t be the first! – but I truly enjoy spending time with teenagers, even with pre-teens. We have been seeking a way to offer our annual Pastor’s Class (baptism/membership class) in a format that works for the life-situations of our families and youth. This year I’m trying a lock-in with a follow-up class later in the week. Our lock-in was this weekend – so my husband (dear, dear man) and I spent Friday night and part of today with some of our middle school youth… I had a good time – and to all reports, the kids did, too. We talked about God and faith and life, and we played and ate and watched a movie. Yes, I’m a bit tired – staying up most of the night will do that to you! – but I’m reved, too. I am blessed to be used to create space for kids to talk about their experiences of God, to be vulnerable and share portions of their story, to be together and be silly and goofy and try new things, and simply to be allowed to journey with them for as long as we are together.

God is good – and this weekend my soul has been fed.

What feeds your soul?

Today’s blessing...

I woke this morning feeling blessed because... What a blessing our interim senior pastor is. Not only is it a blessing to have someone in general to share leadership with – but it has been great to have this particular someone to journey with. He is kind and generous of heart and of spirit – and he is a fabulous model for providing pastoral care in all situations. It’s great, also, to learn the things he sees that we no longer see about our church. Enthusiasm, motivation, heart, and an overwhelming love for God and for us – what more could you ask for! I am blessed to work with him.

Who determines your value?

On a recent post over at Honor Yourself , she posted this quote: “Here's one of the greatest truths in life: if you don't place a value on yourself, somebody else will.” How true ... and the sad thing is that when we let someone else place a value on our life, we just go along and agree with whatever they decree. Unfortunately, the voices in our life who often shout the loudest tend to be the voices that tell us how little we’re worth – sometimes the words are obvious (idiot, stupid, you never do it right); sometimes the words are subtle (why do you dress like that, don’t you want to be like her) ... Sometimes the world’s voices are so loud, we forget they aren’t the voice we are supposed to listen to.

God’s voice tells us we are precious and unique. God’s voice tells us we are each special and wonderful and loved. Yes, that’s right, each of us. God’s voice reminds us it isn’t a competition, but that we are all loved and loved fully in ways beyond our complete comprehension. God's voice reminds us we were each created to be the same yet different; and our task is to find the ways in which we are alike and the ways in which we are unique, and to try not to confuse the two... Can you hear that voice?

I gave my niece a wall plaque a few years ago that said, “In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.” [read that again: In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.] She still has it hanging on her wall. I hope she listens to it and truly takes it to heart. Be yourself. It is a lesson that I have struggled with – being myself despite what the world and what people I love ask me to be (or expect or wish or...); being myself despite knowing that if I was willing to act like others or think like others or compromise in certain ways, then I might have more friends or have more respect from some or be looked at as successful and accomplished. ... I have learned over the years that it is much more important to me to be authentic, to be myself. You see, when I try to be someone else – to be something I’m not just to please or appease you – then my relationship with God suffers, as well as my relationship with you. The more authentic I am able to be, the closer to God I feel. The more authentic I am able to be, the closer to you I am able to become.

There is an old Hasidic story that tells of a great Jewish teacher, Zusia, who one day shared with his followers that he had finally come to understand the one question that would be asked of him after his death. He said, “I won’t be asked why I wasn’t a better Moses leading my people out of bondage. And I won’t be asked why I wasn’t a better Joshua leading my people into the Promised Land. No – there is only one question that I will be asked. They will say, 'Zusia, there was only one thing that no power of heaven or earth could have prevented you from becoming. … Zusia, why weren't you Zusia?'"

Blessings and peace.

Stop the guilt

I was catching up on my blog reading – I highly recommend a “reader” like Google Reader, by the way. A reader allows you to subscribe to all your favorite blogs in one place – and you get updates from each to read at your leisure instead of having to find and check each blog individually. Way cool. … Okay, enough tech talk. So I was catching up on my blog reading and found this great post over at Feedin Mama. Feedin Mama is a wonderful blog about life and elders and the reality of ageing and ageing with dignity. (disclosure: she's also a good friend of mine!) Anyway, she does a great job in this post reminding us that, no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we need and must care for ourselves. How often in your daily living do you do all that needs to be done to take care of others – and give yourself whatever time or energy is left over afterwards, if you give yourself anything at all? I know I can easily slide into this place. I think many of us, especially women (sorry guys), were raised to believe that our primary role was to take care of others and if we put ourselves first we were being selfish… But, as Feedin Mama points out, if we don’t care for ourselves first, then we will be incapable of caring for others. “slam the door on anything that resembles a guilt trip. Do not get on that train.” – good reminder. Guilt is self-induced – we have to choose to feel guilty, just like we choose what is on our “should do” list. Life is joy. So do what you can, do what you feel you must, and then move on… and celebrate all you have done, and celebrate all that you are - for you are a precious child of God, and in that is where joy finds its foundation. Blessings and peace.

Drumming at the Riverside Arts Market

If you're in the Jacksonville area this Saturday, or any upcoming Saturday!, then come out to the Riverside Arts Market. It's a fabulous festival of art and entertainment and food and just plain fun.

Two weekends ago, our Riverside Children's Arts Center was at the Market hosting the Children's Creativity Corner booth. Ken Anoff, who teaches a hand-drumming class for us on Wednesday evenings, spent the day helping children (and some adventurous adults) engage their energy and creativity and channel it together. If you've never been part of a drum circle, then I encourage you to find one in your local area (Jacksonville has a drum circle that meets most Friday evenings at Riverside Park in Five Points near the duck pond). The unity of energy and spirit that flow within the circle, and outward to the wider community, is something that has to be experienced to be understood. There is something so elemental about drumming that even in a brief time together, groups of children, from toddlers to teens, created unity within the rhythm. It was wonderful to hear, and fabulous to be part of.

We'll be back at the Children's Creativity Corner booth on May 30 with a new artist-in-residence. Come spend the day as we open ourselves to the creativity that lies within each of us!

Blessings and peace.

The Heart of Ministry

In the past few months I’ve had the opportunity to spend more time in one-on-one caring conversations – which I really enjoy. You know, the heart of my work, my ministry, my job is pastoral care. I’m not sure that others often see it that way, though. It seems that sometimes we get so caught up in the way the world works, the things that need “doing,” that folks apologize for “taking my time”... like answering emails and writing board reports and planning camps are more important than spending time with someone who has good news to share or who wants someone to listen as they talk through something or needs help sorting through something or simply needs to know someone cares about them... I wonder, when that happens (when folks apologize for wanting to talk) do I send that message to others – that I’m too busy and other things are more important? I fervently hope not. The heart of ministry is relationships and relationship building, that is how we come to know God and how we share God and God’s grace with each other.

So this also raises the question - do you see what you do in spending time with another, sharing conversation on the heart of living - do you see that as ministry? It is. When you talk with your children about life and what's important in the choices they make; and when you listen to them work through feelings and choices and actions... When you talk with a neighbor or friend or co-worker about life and living... When you call a friend who is sick or who may be dying and simply share a word of love - or cry with them... Do you know that all those moments are ministry? Do you understand that in those times you are sharing God and grace and love with another? That is what ministry is about; the sharing of God and grace in the midst of our living so that we each come to live centered in Christ.

Blessings and peace.

Honoring their journey...

There’s a shop in Black Mountain that I visit every time I’m there – Mountain Spirit Gifts. It is owned and operated by a delightful woman and her dog, Bella. She sells jewelry (silver pendants and earrings, mostly Celtic in design or amber stone) and cards from unique designers and wall posters and prints. It was at her shop two years ago that I was first introduced to Bone Sign Arts.

Sunday afternoon when I was browsing in her shop, we had a discussion on recognizing when the things we “own” no longer belong to us and honoring that by passing them on to the person they do belong to. Hmmm, that sounds strange – let me try to explain... Two years ago I purchased a small print (one of my first from Bone Sigh Arts) that had a contemporary outline of a woman’s body with her arms raised almost in victory and it said “she didn’t just survive – she became.” (you can see it here) When I saw it the first time it spoke to me so strongly I had to purchase it. It sat on the shelf in my office for about 18 months – then I met a woman. This woman, “Kelly,” shared her story at a women’s retreat and while she spoke I couldn’t get my mind off that print. When we got together again the next week, I gave the print to Kelly. I understood that it no longer belonged to me; it was for her that I had it.

Anyway, our discussion Sunday led us to agree that sometimes we pass things along to others because they were never ours to begin with, and other times we pass them along because we know with a certainty of being that we carry the message with us and no longer need the outward reminder. I will admit that giving things away is sometimes difficult for me – because I often collect “stuff.” Not usually things of importance to anyone but me... But I have found that for me, the message of that print, and others like it which I have passed along, lives more strongly in my memory simply because I have given them away. In the giving, in the making of memory with someone else I have cemented the meaning of the item in my living in a way that simply possessing it was not able to do.

The question is, therefore, are you able to be open to the moments when Spirit nudges you to honor someone else’s journey? To honor their journey by passing along to them those trinkets of life which are not yours to keep – or sharing a word or a card or a note? And, being open to the moments, sensing those nudges of Spirit – are you willing and able to respond? Do you give that gift to them and then tell them why you gave it? Do you sit down and write that note or make that call? I pray the answer, for me and for you, is a resounding YES!

Blessings and peace.

To be held...

I sat on the upper porch last night crocheting and watching the clouds roll in. Within the space of an hour we could only see the closest crest – the rest were covered completely in clouds. It was lovely. I would have stayed longer but my hands were getting cold. The good thing about crocheting a shawl is that as you work on it it serves as a good lap warmer – but not for the hands! A good friend made me a pair of fingerless gloves – they would have been perfect, but I left them at home… It’s clear and beautiful here this morning – a reminder that day always follows night if we are patient enough to wait for it.

I phoned my husband last night to let him know I missed him – 36 hours apart and I was ready to be home… can’t though, the Board meetings I came for aren’t done until tomorrow. It’s nice to know that 16 years married and we still miss one another when we’re apart.

I woke up this morning with the song “Held” by Natalie Grant running in my head. “This is what it means/ to be held and to know/ that the promise was/ when everything fell/ we’d be held.” The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held. God’s promises weren’t that we’d have life free from pain and filled with material wealth. Unfortunately, I know plenty of preachers who preach that and Christians who believe that to be true. After all, they say, Jesus told us he came that we might have life in abundance. God’s promise is that no matter what we are going through – whether we name it good or bad, joy-filled or heart-wrenching – God will be there with us… we’d be held. You know, sometimes life just plan stinks – young mothers and fathers get cancer, children get physically and sexually abused… - and we question the fairness of it all (at least I sometimes do, don’t you?). Why, God? Why don’t you do something, it’s just not fair? I know that much of the hurtful things come from us – from what we choose to do, how we choose to treat one another, what we have done to this world we live in – but still, why... I understand the whole free will thing, but isn’t there a better way, one that means innocent children and men and women don’t get hurt? … It reminds me of an essay by Frederica Mathewes-Green about this very point. She talks about the desire to end suffering – our desire to live in a world where suffering doesn’t exist and what does that really mean. It’s a thought provoking read.

In the end, I willingly admit that despite my questioning of this one, I am not capable of creating a better world. And I know that I don’t see it all, just a few of the threads on one portion of the tapestry called life – so I live with the questions, and I continue to offer hope and love, and I rely on the promise. It is enough for me to know that I am held by the One who created us all. The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held.

Blessings and peace.

Gone so long...

Much has happened since I've last written - 5 months have passed, some parts quickly and others slowly (such is the way of life), but overall it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I am going to attempt to pick up blogging again - I do miss it - and will eventually share some of what's happened over the past few months. Experiences that have shaped me, ones that have affirmed me, ones that have connected me to others, and ones that have grounded me in God. Some of it is worth sharing, some of it is better shared in other places... and some of it, I must admit, likely is only important to me.

For now, I'm enjoying time in Black Mountain, NC at Christmount (our denomination's retreat center). I enjoy the mountains - perhaps more so than I enjoy the beach. I think this Florida girl is starved for color - even though the trees are just beginning to bud here, the area seems awash in color. So many shades of red and of green and of brown. It is a feast for my eyes - and I feel as if I am literally drinking it in. The dogwoods are just in bloom - I think they're among my favorites. The white is vivid against the brown of the bark and the green of other foliage - beautiful. And I saw pink-blossomed dogwoods. I didn't know dogwoods were anything but white. A deep almost mauve color - fabulous. Wish I could show you a picture, but I forgot my camera (shoot, pun intended).

I enjoy the pace here - unhurried. Likely it's my attitude that's different, and if I lived here I'd likely not be the same... but it's nice to feel that I have plenty of time for everything I "need" to do and all that I "want" to do as well. ... So I'm going to go sit on the porch rocker - it's only 59 degrees and the rain has stopped for now - and I'll work some more on the crochet shawl I'm making.

Blessings and peace.