To be held...

I sat on the upper porch last night crocheting and watching the clouds roll in. Within the space of an hour we could only see the closest crest – the rest were covered completely in clouds. It was lovely. I would have stayed longer but my hands were getting cold. The good thing about crocheting a shawl is that as you work on it it serves as a good lap warmer – but not for the hands! A good friend made me a pair of fingerless gloves – they would have been perfect, but I left them at home… It’s clear and beautiful here this morning – a reminder that day always follows night if we are patient enough to wait for it.

I phoned my husband last night to let him know I missed him – 36 hours apart and I was ready to be home… can’t though, the Board meetings I came for aren’t done until tomorrow. It’s nice to know that 16 years married and we still miss one another when we’re apart.

I woke up this morning with the song “Held” by Natalie Grant running in my head. “This is what it means/ to be held and to know/ that the promise was/ when everything fell/ we’d be held.” The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held. God’s promises weren’t that we’d have life free from pain and filled with material wealth. Unfortunately, I know plenty of preachers who preach that and Christians who believe that to be true. After all, they say, Jesus told us he came that we might have life in abundance. God’s promise is that no matter what we are going through – whether we name it good or bad, joy-filled or heart-wrenching – God will be there with us… we’d be held. You know, sometimes life just plan stinks – young mothers and fathers get cancer, children get physically and sexually abused… - and we question the fairness of it all (at least I sometimes do, don’t you?). Why, God? Why don’t you do something, it’s just not fair? I know that much of the hurtful things come from us – from what we choose to do, how we choose to treat one another, what we have done to this world we live in – but still, why... I understand the whole free will thing, but isn’t there a better way, one that means innocent children and men and women don’t get hurt? … It reminds me of an essay by Frederica Mathewes-Green about this very point. She talks about the desire to end suffering – our desire to live in a world where suffering doesn’t exist and what does that really mean. It’s a thought provoking read.

In the end, I willingly admit that despite my questioning of this one, I am not capable of creating a better world. And I know that I don’t see it all, just a few of the threads on one portion of the tapestry called life – so I live with the questions, and I continue to offer hope and love, and I rely on the promise. It is enough for me to know that I am held by the One who created us all. The promise was when everything fell, we’d be held.

Blessings and peace.