freedom to be

“When the Spirit of Truth comes, we shall experience freedom, 

set free from all that has closed us in.” ~ Mercy Oduyoye

I find that it’s not physical freedom that I desire, that I cherish. It’s freedom to be who I am. Freedom to speak my truth, to live my truth, to be my truth. This is the deepest desire of my heart, to be authentically me.

Yet, all too often I find that what closes me in is more of my own making than of other’s. What closes me in is, in part, my own fear over perceived expectations and responses. 

We are often taught in this life to place a higher value on the responses of others than on ourselves. We are taught to question how others will react to what we do, rather than question whether what I am doing is true to my deepest self. And when I fall victim to this teaching, I live from the false prison of trying to meet assumed or real expectations which have nothing to do with my true self. I find myself agreeing to things I don’t really agree with, I find myself doing things I don’t want to do, rather than living my deepest desires, my deepest truth. 

And it’s not that my desires, my actions are ones which would bring harm if I lived them out. It’s rather that I fall victim to pleasing you rather than pleasing me, I give higher value to being the person you think I am than to being the person I know I am. Yet, when I remember, I know that what would please you most is for me to be myself, for me to live my truth - and that is what I desire most for you as well.

When I walk in truth there is a solid, deep rightness to my living. One which brings joy and equanimity and compassion, as if the strings of my soul are vibrating in harmony with the Holy One and with all that is. Perhaps that is what freedom feels like …